I LOST HIM AGAIN...

I knew I never had him from day 1.
He was just passing by but I stopped him in my life. I still remember the day when I first met him and actually thought that he was the one I’ve been looking for all these years. After that day though I saw him everyday we didn’t really speak to each other. I didn’t realize that he liked me too. We were going on our paths but destiny plays its game too. We met again, this time to become friends. May be friends from his side. I still don’t know how and when I started feeling so strongly for him. The whole world could see that in my eyes. But did he see that? I always used to ask myself that. I wished he could & would see me in the same way. But…

From the direction I never saw, she came, he saw her, and didn’t look back. I kept waiting for the time he would turn back and see me but he didn’t. He was in Love. Yes, I lost him. But he still spoke to me, he saw my possessiveness towards him, which he hated. His kiss on her cheek, his hand on her hand, his eyes looking in her eyes made me felt like asking god that why did he do this to me? Why did he bring him in my life when he was never mine? Why? Why?

I wish I could erase myself from their life so that they could live happily and could erase my memory. But the contradiction is that we always forget important things and remember especially those things that we should not. But then he called me his friend. So I decided to be his friend till the time possible. He called me more, more than he called her. Why? Even she wondered and hated me. I empathized with her but seriously I wish she could understand that I liked the attention, as I loved him. Yes I loved him. I wish I could tell him. But I could never. One fine day he chose to part ways with her. She cried and that day I felt bad for her and first time felt as if I loved a person who didn’t care about her. I fought with him. The next day they were back. This time more into each other, killing me more. But this was not for a long time. He parted with her again and this time never to return in her life. Was I happy this time? No, I felt guilty.

Now we chatted for longer hours, met a lot, but he always maintained that distance which I always wanted to break, which I could never. Then from his past direction, she came, she was his friend in the past, like I was in the present. He saw her and realized he had loved her always. She felt the same for him. Yes, I lost him again…. This time he went and never looked back… I lost him again. And lost him forever… but all this while I just regretted that for once I could tell him that I loved him. And still Love him.